Fierce Advocacy
I was a Mama Bear. My husband and I took our firstborn to an outdoor picnic when he was just shy of 2 weeks old. He was all snuggled into his car seat carrier, carefully snapped into the stroller. We slowly made our way through the guests, stopping by nearly every person so that they could peek at the baby. We’d no sooner found seats at the end of a picnic table and someone at the next table lit a cigar. I whispered to my husband that we needed to move and he casually dismissed my concerns, saying we could just clear the air with a wave of the hand. It wasn’t until he saw the tears streaming out from under my sunglasses that he knew I was dead serious. I was sure that cigar smoke was going to kill our newborn. We HAD to move.
Those same, rather strong, feelings of protectiveness came roaring back when my husband became completely disabled. He needs someone to be his voice and I’ve taken that role to heart for the past 9+ years.
Just yesterday I visited him outside of his window at the nursing home. I haven’t been inside since March, and there’s really no end in sight regarding regular room visit. I personally think it won’t be until after there’s an approved coronavirus vaccine and all the residents and their loved ones have received their shots. I miss our nightly visits where we would sit side-by-side through Jeopardy and take evening walks around the halls visiting other residents. I miss holding his hand. I miss kissing him goodnight as I head home to my lonely bed.
We’ve been allowed outdoor, socially-distanced visits since the end of July. As long as the facility continues to have no cases of coronavirus, they can offer these 30-minute sessions. My first visit with David was very emotional for me. I realized just how much I had missed just simply being in his presence. We haven’t lived together for over 8 years, and yet he is still my person, the one who makes me feel centered and understood. I love our new visitation arrangement, even if it’s less than ideal.
One thing that could change these visits is the possibility that the virus can get into the nursing home. If anyone gets infected, the whole visitation system will need to be shut down for a minimum of 28 days.
There is no doubt that this pandemic has had a significantly negative affect on nursing home residents. They are generally lonely to begin with, and now they are isolated from the outside world. Many of them do not have communal dining anymore, as homes have resorted to delivering meals to each room to limit bringing residents into close proximity to each other. Some residents were used to regular visits from family and pets and are missing those daily interactions. It has been rough.
And yet, it is paramount to keep the residents safe. We’ve all heard the horrific stories of wildfire-like spread through nursing homes once the pandemic arrives. Most facilities are militant in making sure all staff and residents follow stringent safety guidelines.
Imagine my despair when I’ve seen aides attending to my husband with their masks on their chins. Yes, twice within the past week I’ve counted up to five staff that I’ve observed with masks that don’t come even close to covering the mouth or nose. They might as well not even have it on. Mama Bear is on the warpath.
“Imagine my despair when I’ve seen aides attending to my husband with masks on their chins.”
Here’s the thing. My even-tempered nature causes me to feel bad for calling these staff members out. I don’t want anyone to dislike me. And I certainly don’t want them to treat my husband differently if they don’t like me. But my role, first and foremost, is to be his advocate. I NEED to stand up for David, to be his intermediary, because he’s not able to do that for himself. I NEED to keep him safe, or at least as much as I am able. I NEED to let the people caring for him know that I take this assignment very seriously.
I think being a caregiver/advocate requires some extra backbones. Don’t be afraid to let those grow and strengthen. Your loved one needs that strength that you’re acquiring and to know that you’re there to stand in the gap for them. It might not always be pleasant, but it’s the right thing to do.
Have you faced similar circumstances? How have you handled these difficult situations? Feel free to leave a comment in the chat below.
Blessings to you on this journey.